i chose this picture of Adele because it's reflective to the title. she's odd..and so am i. however, her voice is what is getting me through some hard times right now. not that i can say i know all of her music, i definitely know enough to recognize the beauty and strength she possess. besides all that i respect her music. so i title this odd because i'm not sure where i'm going with this. grammar is not important because i'm at work. it seems like today is just a translucent wave of emotions crashing down on me. typical friday the 13th? i have no idea. every other suspicious myth just goes in one ear and out the other..so i thought. i don't split poles and i don't say anything i wouldn't want to happen. when i do i find some authentic wood to knock on repetitively. weird. i don't enjoy black cats and do throw the salt over my back from time to time. what's this all mean? i don't know.
there's been so so much going on in my life lately. i got a DUI and i would be all "to myself" about it, but i'm finding that hiding things only cause more grief..something i don't need. i also recently started working and school starts in two weeks...i guess what i'm saying is i have one more week of not so busy days and then i'm so busy i can't see straight. that's what i enjoy though..busy as a bee.. it only seems like i should be. i can't stand doing nothing. i've done nothing for so long that it's becoming really hard to get into the groove of doing something. lazy is so easy(: now i'm experiencing the downfall of that..getting my life together.-i would put haha, but this is serious. lets see..the other things are that of a man to woman inner battle..if that makes sense. I'm simply trying to make sense of my life right now. Make some goals and reach them. It's a nice step towards progress and prospeirity.
let me explain that last one..
you see there is this man in my life and i fancy him. i just hope that i'm not too crazy for him. lately my life has been so torn and damaged that it's so hard to maintain friendships..forget relationships..or so i thought. i really enjoy this one. he's funny, sweet, complicated, caring, talented, driven, self efficient, and so much more. it's ODD how picky i am and how much he falls in and out of exactly what i need. we're awesome friends and that's what we're building on right now. the hardest part is everyone else..isn't that always it when you have relationships with people. it feels like people would rather see damage than happiness..confuses me. there's so many stories and complication(not the good kind) that goes into damage. i don't really like that word. ANYWAYS . i'm finding that staying to myself and not indulging in other people is what is best for me. the people that deserve to be apart of my life and i theirs are just popping up. it's ironic because they never left. crazy how one guy can show me what's right in front of my face. probably why we keep our friendship in front of our relationship. makes things better.
so. i hate to write like this but i am at work so my thoughts are scattered. i went to lunch with him and he definitely brought me some piece of mind. today has been so much and i'm not sure why i can't seem to get a hold of myself. just got good news though..my good friend is in town. one of my best friends...i haven't seen her in a while and i'm excited to be spending time with her in two hours time..
jumping screens is driving me crazy. actually everything is driving me crazy. maybe the main thing being that i'm 20...almost 21(:(:..and i can't drive myself around because of one event less night. a dui really sucks. i got the worst as far as suspension for a first offense goes. i got a full year vs the 3 to 6 months. typical me to have the worst luck with getting in trouble..hmm..maybe that's the point. i don't know or really care for that matter..i'm still feeling sort of sour about the whole matter. this whole fiasco that they'd like to call my life..they being the people that i believe(have faith) are watching me..ie shannon and gramps..just so happens to be a massive circus. a circus that tickets seem to reach a high rate and i'm not getting reimbursed anytime soon. i wish i were. in the end i'm seeing the bright teal (my color of choice because i do not favor the color white too much) light at the end of the tunnel. until i reach it, i'm going to just let that beautiful bluish aura to just shine on me. i need some brightness in this chaos. until then..i'm going to approve my time card so i can make that PAPER on thursday. ya heard.
-b
