keeping quiet.

LETS THINK POSITIVE.

If we fall, we don't need self-recrimination or blame or anger - we need a reawakening of our intention and a willingness to re-commit, to be whole-hearted once again. Sharon Salzber

I would like to thank Ms. Salzber for helping me center myself today. Lately I've been so busy and all over the place that it's extremely hard for me to just get it all together. I'm starting this new thing right when I wake up. I call it...positive reinforcement. This is what I do to make me look at the day as a gift, that's what it is anyways, and just wake up in a good mood and be happy. I've been reading some inspirational quotes and the one above stands out and there were some others too. One mentioned happiness being who we are not what we are.

Makes me think about all the unhappiness I've been experiencing lately; unhappiness that I could have made into a positive atmosphere. This doesn't frustrate me, it actually makes me want to be a better person. Something changed in the last few months that let little things change my perception of the bigger picture. I've been struggling in relationships and feeling voids when it comes to the people in my life and i don't blame anyone, but I can admit that I start to feel like no one wants to be apart of my life because of the negative vibes. They come from the "fed-up" side of me. The side that makes me so crazy and just DONE with everyone and everything. I have the all or nothing personality type, which can be good..However, when it's bad it's terrible and makes me want to completely shut done and not be apart of anything.

why?

I'm working on answering that and fixing it. I've come to realize that not everyone, or anyone in that matter, can expect anything from me and I from them. That's the first step to calming down and taking this on..head-on. I am going to start by not allowing all of these little things to bother me as much as they do at this point. I'm 20 years young with an old soul and I get caught up in my own mind set, not thinking that the things I think about and do don't always make sense to my peers because I'm before my time. cool. I'm not trippin...there's nothing wrong with being me, I just have to stop trying to make everyone like me...I guess that's what I'm saying...or at least stop trying to give this advice, that I do often, that leads them to a path that I believe is right..which may be wrong for them. It's a learning process.

I was going to say so much more..I decided against that...

Instead, I'm going to wish you a happy weekend and hopeful bliss!

xo
-b

slower slower...slow.

i'm thinking things in my life need to slow down now.(currently lookin up at the ceiling while i'm saying this to myself over and over and over agian..) not quite sure if the big man upstairs is hearing me sometimes. i just need some sort of slight pause on the busy schdule. it's going so fast that i wake up late, maybe because my bed is so comfortable...

back on track..
that should be the title of this blog. i should be back on track, but i'm guessing it's going to take a week or so to get there. stupid old apartment likes to ruin my life and take all my money. don't they know my bday is in 28 days...geez. speaking of 28days...i was watching that movie lastnight..i fell asleep to it, so i'm going to watch it again. i love sandra bullock, she's an awesome actress. anyways, let me get back on track. i have so many things that i need to do along with what i've half done and want to do. ridiculous that there's so much floating around as far as getting stuff done. there's still all these things i need to get for my apartment and this next check is going straight to the rent..guess that's part of being an adult. speaking of adulthood and being on track..the main squeeze informed me that i'm now more grown up than him...mainly because i have a house phone in my name..i'll never use it,but it's there. so i guess i'm growing up before my very own eyes...hmm. i don't know about all of that. what i do know is that adulthood is expensive. another reason i sometimes reminence about highschool...then i bounce back to reality and realize that i enjoy my life now...i did then too though..when things were so cheap and simple and just ignorant..funny how thinking about progress takes you back to when you couldn't fathom exsisting where you are now..
too deep? never too deep.

(sighs to myself because there's so much i want to say about the past)..not for this one though..we'll save that.

my favorite thing about my life?..the fact that the people i'm around are the people i choose to be around...minus school..there are some dummies around me, i'm just doing my best to ignore them and make about my way. i like to go with the boy on movie dates and spend some time with friends, but i'm not much on doing too much. i like it fast when it comes to business and slow when it comes to personal..don't know if that makes me strange..don't care either..

the biggest step so far?..making time for me and being okay with it. i recently had this issue with giving myself a break and really catering to my personal needs, i'm finding that i'm easy going and it's not hard to please me. something i wish i could have made time for before, but i know i wouldn't have appreciated it the same. blessing in disguise. i honestly like the time i have alone in my apartment with nala..i do start to miss company and that's when i get cozy (: (not alone)..by the way..cozy means..well use ur imagination. (:

how's my health?..i'm making progress.. i really need to do more, but as far as my environment...i'm doing well. i have all healthy foods and cleaning products and i'm working towards clensing myself of bad habits. the next step is coming up with a workout plan, that's gonna be the hard part considering i have NO time..but i'm learning my me-time is going to include some of the wellness time each week. gym is down at the apartment and should be up and running soon, until then i guess it's just the basic stuff at home, and just staying on track (;

i guess as far as making my way down the right track, i'm keeping up with people that matter. part of what i mentioned earlier was that i'm not around people, and i don't mean people in general..what i meant was that i've removed some people in my life that have questionable motives for my friendship and i'm learnig how to let go of the ones that just simply let go of me and to stop caring why i wasn't enough for them..mainly because i'm enough for me (:

it's whateva.. i don't chase 'em i replace 'em!
--> biggie y'all get ya mind right.

so i've got about 37 mins left at work and i think i started this at 12 to give me something to do. let me spend some time searching for a good photo to put with it. & i'm tryin to switch up the layout..get something fun..or different...hopefully both.

-b

sunday earnin..

I'm past my third humpday and officially moved into my apartment. I feel like it's taking forever to get things squared away. I'm runnin on broke trying to get everything paid for and set up..just like my customers, i have installation dates and deposits going everywhere. a new couch is due next week and i'm looking forward to some relaxation as soon as the busy dies down a little. i have more than three days to make up for at school. i got to get back on track..fell behind because of the moldy situation at apartment #1. boooo.

I'm at work, incase the title didn't make you aware of that. and today it's about 30 to 45 mins between calls. it might start to pick up once it gets later in the day..i'm hoping. just so i can feel a little busy. when it's not productive i feel like i should be at home...if that makes any sense. but on another note of gettin it in at work..i processed my first price adjustment, which i guess is easy.

lets see...

i feel like i have to blog today because my it's gramp's bday..well it would be, and in memory it is. man i miss him. more than i could ever explain..so i'm not going to try, at least not right now. i'm trying this thing where i push myself into the positive and stop worrying so much about what could or might go wrong. not to say that i won't look ahead for my future, i'm just doing some preventive maintenance. i think i've used that term in a blog before. with that said, i'm looking forward to how this apartment makes me feel and how comfortable i've become just being home. i love it so much. i'll probably never move as long as i'm in arizona. i love my wood floors and my spacious living. i'm not even sure what i would have done with the extra room. i got rid of so much stuff and now i've got room to live. (:

this is what gramps would have wanted me to do..well today he might have wanted to go out to eat and watch some sports and fishing on tv..but he def would be happy to know that i'm happy in my apartment. that matters to me more than anything. i know shannon has got to be like "FINALLY!"!! i'm in school, working, and have my own place. there's always an obstacle, and that's my driving situation. i need to get to those classes so i can get my license back, or just move to new york! those classes keep me out of jail, so i HAVE to take those. i'll miss ten days of my life if i go there again..well 9 days..eww.

i've already been here two and half hours..it feels like 20 mins. i can't even imagine what time it feels like outside of work, that's normally how i feel in the morning. sometimes i think about if i were in school during the day and how far ahead the day students are compared to the nights. man...i need to catch up and get it in. i have kyle at home, so i'm going to do that hair cut today...progress is in my near near future! i just got to get motivated. something that takes a little push from the inner-enthusiastic me. ah.

what else can i possibly keep my hands busy with right now? oh i know. i'm going to give a shoutout to my new bestie at school. a real down native! hah. she's awesome and beautiful. her name is tahleka and there's a picture on facebook floating around of me and her. it's okay though, it's one of those pics where we look like we're meant to be friends (: oh and we noticed that we have the same skintone on thursday..crazy...let me share why i've fallen into solitude with this lady that just so happens to sit next to me!!...she's older than me by a few years, which is always a positive in my book. ms.dixon is a mommy/mommy to be. she's having her son in november!! she also happens to be the funniest girl i've met in a long time. she's from the same state and areas as michelle and she is good at what we do, gotta have a good right hand. i even let home girl color my hair..i'm in the process of going lighter..gotta love that carmel hue up in muh hurr. haha.

okay okay. so i'm not going to talk about the boy or the dog!! i'm not going to talk about lack of friendship lately and i'm surely not going to talk about how broke i'm not! however, i'm going to talk about how my bday is 29 days away!

count down to october 18th is now on the GO!
i've got 29 days to turn 21! and i can't wait!! i'm going to vegas baby!! but i still need to loose some weight and go shopping..that was my goal and i've yet to reach where i want to be..instead i feel like i'm growing!! no bueno. it's happening now. i've got to get my ish together.

xoxo
-b

hump day pt2

it's wednesday again. september 8th to be exact. hmm..just one week away from my last post and i feel alot different--well, until that last call. and then, just like my job always does..i get an awesome customer that i actually enjoy going out of my way for. which isn't really going out of my way..i'm just doing my job-not a lot of people do that. hmm...effort.
what goes around comes around people!
*sigh*
i hate how the "g" is in the word sigh but you don't pronounce it. strange.
anyways. i'm still at work. only for another 39 minutes and i'm just on edge. not the bad kind of on edge, i just have alot of energy. i need to go to the bank, i need to make some payments, and i also need to get things to pack! that reminds me that i have soo much to accomplish by next week!! i move on wednesday. which means i really move on thursday. blessing in disguise that i get my schd changed! i get to move all night wednesday and thursday!! i'm really excited for that..

a whole new chapter.

its 2:04. if you switch it up that's 4:20. hmm..(:
i'm so bored right now and there is this girl at work..i'm tired of seeing her face and smelling the loud purfume she likes to bathe in, yeah I'm rude. i don't care either. she's killin my nose with all that. everyone else too. man o man i need to go..i have soo much to do today and i know it's ridic outside with the heat. when i got off work yesterday it was 107 and climbing. gross. she's still here..her laugh sucks too.. that always ruins the possibility of a co-piolt. if your laugh sucks i can't be me around you. i don't want to hear your cackle.

i must despise her becaus i just went on a rant.
*snapping out of it*

i'm so proud of me, btw (:. i'm learning so much in school and i do great on everything!! i did a take home test and that has been the only thing that i'm worried about...

well i'm about to be out!!
xoxo
-b

hump day

i always feel like if this day goes by fast then i can really look forward to friday. fridays because saturdays are consumed by school. i actually miss the days when i didn't work and school was an option..last year. however, i don't miss the non productive situation i was in. i was unhappy below the visable bliss and i was stuck in a living situation that i thought would drive me to a mass homicide. my days are looking up now though. i have a job, in my second week of school, and i move into my apartment in 14days. my brand new 1bd, 800sq feet apartment. i'm so in love with it and i can't wait. all black appliances and a washer and dryer for a good deal..something i thought was impossible was just around the corner. all i needed was some ambition and focus. geez.

hump day is going pretty quick. i started this blog around 7:30 and it's 9:02..in the am.. (: work is going pretty quick and that's never a bad thing. my week started off so good that i'm really excited about this weekend. next week is going to be so much that i need for this week to run smoothly.

the apartment is the main focus right now. i have only 2 full weeks from today to actually pack and get everything set up. lets see my agenda..
1. pack
2. pack some more
3. set up my electric account
4. set up my renter's insurance
5. pay my move in/get keys
6. paint
7. move all my big stuff
8. unpack

i guess i have a lot to do, just to move. that doesn't include the outline due tonight and the many hair cuts that i have to perform in the next four 1/2 weeks for school. it's not a hassle though, i love being busy. i hate idle time, i've found that's not the life for me. it makes me sluggish and gain weight. now that i have things to do i'm losing weight and gaining purpose. it's awesome. the only not so awesome thing in my life lately are my fines. they take ALL my money...which is a huge bummer. but it's a responsibility i have to take care of. i'm going to get it all out of the way soon that way i can just focus on school and getting pass all of the bs. i'm good.

speaking, well writing, of good! i got a 100% on my practical lastnight. 0 degree hair cut. all one lenght around the entire head. took me longer than some other people but it was clean and the style looked on point. i was pretty excited because i really got it looking perfect. it makes me ten times more excited about school...didn't think that was possible. already 2 weeks into class and it feels like i just started yesterday. we've done two hair cuts and i feel more confident that i'm doing the right thing. i do need to keep my focus a little more and get my homework done before i go to class..i guess everyone needs to do that..(:

as soon as i get these tiny things taken care of everything else will fall into place. i need some r&r.

did i mention it's the first of the month? fresssh start (:

xoxo
<3