i've decided to just let go...
i'm so tired of all this built up emotion and aggression. there's so much that has happened in the last year that isn't positive and instead of working thru it, i've been so wrapped up in what's wrong and what i can't fix..so like so many times before..i'm going to make a change. i feel like 2010 was the year of change and guess what..
2011 is going to be my year of happiness. no matter what happens i'm going to keep a smile and light heart. i can't handle all of this frustration and stress..the worst of the storm has passed and it's time to just grow from it and enjoy my life. i've been doing a lot of crying, reflecting, and blah blah blah..
what i need more than anything is laughter and happiness..the feelings that i used to take for granted..what makes people love me..gotta get ME back. I've been SO.. and when i say SO..i mean it.. wrapped up in my issues and it's starting to wear down on me.
the first step?
i started working out again and my body has this love/hate relationship with me. she loves to be lazy and hates to work..buuut...she also loves to look good..so i'm no longer feeding into the laziness.. i've got a lot on my agenda..just add it to the list..i'm gonna need to be healthy to get everything done.
i'm listening to cartel right now and i always forget why i like them so much. i'm not sure why, because their music is quality.. i guess i get obsessed with rap for months at a time and then i put my pod on shuffle and cupcake is GOOD. she always has my subconscious in mind. such a lovely addition to my electronic collection. and now what?? Gwen Stefani just jumped in my head..it's Shannon and i...love me love me.. hhaha. damn.
miss her.
it's all good though...she's also part of the reason i can no longer be sad. she'd be soooo upset with me right now. i'm sure we would have taken a road trip and just danced on the beach all alone with the birds i hate so much, just for her. crazy how much you can love someone..make you do shit u hate..haha. i really wish she was still here..things would be so different... she loved almost everything..except worms and bugs..who could blame her though..grossness. anyways..point being she wouldn't put up with what i've been dishing the last few months..she wants me happy and carefree..i'm 21 and healthy..for the most part..and there's no reason i should have this stress level. a DUI is nothing but some paperwork and slight obligation. and in the future..however far that extends...this wont matter..these fines and court ish wont matter..FOCUS. she spoke to me last night, not like a literal vision..more like she showed me through a series of memories.. i got it..damnit..shannon mercedes i love you.
smooches.
anyways..this is my scatterbrained entry.
"runaway"-cartel is playing in my head right now.
<3
-b
