silly picture, i knnow. i'm at work and it's lunch time..actually it's not lunch time for me. my lunch time is from 10 to around 11...only thirty mins though.
draaag.i get off at 2:30 and it's 1:51. in 30 mins it will be about 10 before i get off work. hmm..i think i'm scamming the system. i'm not trying to..i just work through my break everyday and today i need it. i have been really stressed out and sick and all that so i've decided to double up on the blogs. this one i started a few weeks ago so i'm gonna finish it up. okay.
i'm experiencing a self absorbed stage in my life. all i seem to talk about or think about is myself. not like me, but much like my mother. it's pissing me off. my new goal for the rest of my life is to stop this fuckery. i'm really tired of saying "I" so much. it seems like it would be an easy task but it's not. it's not like i'm a selfish person, i do alot for everyone and i'm constantly trying to do more. i've painted myself in a corner because of it and the theory that has risen in my mind is that selfish needs to be on my agenda for a little. not sure if i agree with me though. viewing others while i speak brings quick irritation in my own head, if that makes sense. i can see how the conversation moves to all about me and then i quickly shut up and let the other person speak. believe me, i'm tired of hearing about my life too..i live and experience it. it's the constant interst of others that feeds the conversation.
is it that i'm interesting?
i don't think so. i go to school like everyone else and i also work, like a lot of people i know..mainly everyone at school and work. hmm..so what makes me so different that most of my conversations consist of my life. such a huge transition from what it used to be..a constant concern of others and their lives and well being to now. now everyone is concerned about me and my well being and my daily life. hmm..
maybe i just made a break through. maybe it's not that i'm selfish..maybe it's because i do have a lot going on, personally, and i need to express myself. however, i'm going to shut up unless i'm asked. i'm so sick of hearing my own voice and it's got to be an issue if i'm blogging about it. i know i'm strange, but even know i'm seeing how much i type "i, i'm, me and mine". turns me into my own frenzy of self irritation.
weird.
the focus is moving. as soon as i move and get settled, i will have more things to talk about..weird neighbors, nala's reaction, how much i like or love my new place, school and all that..
speaking of nala...
i love her so much. she's the best dog. how could she be anything less...she's dude's daughter. aww...he reproduced before me..which i'm not surprised..he had a ride or die and he was old as shit. lol. i'm def proud of him and gingy for producing nala.
zai named her, and her name suits her so well. she's a strange dog that likes to fight like a cat and always have her way. idk what kind of monster i created, but she's not gonna like it whenever a new dog comes into the picture. i was looking into getting a shih tzu puppy, but that's not happening. she can't share a brand new home..not just yet. i think she'd kill me (:..okay not really, but def not like me and i can't handle that right now. i've got enough to worry about right now than my dog hating me cuz i have a new baby...what she doesn't know is that zai is thinking of getting a puppy when he moves in to his place, and when i say thinkingn i mean he IS getting a puppy. she's going to loose her mind. like go bonkers and probably be depressed for a little..extra TLC from mommy (: poor little girl haha. she'll be okay though..just a little sore that she wont be the only sparkle in his kind eye...she'll get over it.
shouts
-b
